I know intrinsically that I identify with the wolf as my spiritual vector. The wolf has for as long as I had affection for animals been a homogenous part of my own existence, substantiating many traits, desires, and growths that have proved themselves as relevent to my life path on this planet. Only quite later have I found out of which particular place my spirit as wolf takes though. I used to identify heavily with an lone-wolf, or even in extreme cases as Alpha. The latter being an unfortunate side-effect of my immaturity, and drive to confront others, and control, and with a rather violent disposition. This was part of an extreme ego as well, and I drifted far from being an Alpha, and oft time felt the new attachment to a lone wolf, this also unveiled itself in ways that I would try to escape
or be hermit-like in my nature to avoid contact with others altogether. It was rooted simply in a nihilistic contempt for teaching and social strata. I have been reading a copious amount of writings and experiences of others pertaining to animal totemism, and also my personal biological and psychological studies
of wolves, their prey and ecology, and truly feel that I belong as most times an Omega, balanced with Beta.
The Omega wolf still retains the perfect wolf nature, but tends to be non-confrontational and more pensive in it’s attitude. It survives with the pack, and is often an observer that will let others act before it and then learn from personal experience. The Omega is still revered by other wolves for it’s protective nature. The Beta, being the second hand to the Alpha and will choose to enter new territory or fight and defend, but usually only when provoked or intruded upon. It is very mutual with other wolves, like it’s mate, and supports the pack dynamics by reinforcement. I find my will to power, and adversarial mindset to align quite fittingly to a Beta position. My loyalty, as the Beta is usually affiliated with an Alpha or another Beta as an equal, and choosing to dedicate themselves to anything that serves their fitness, strength, and niche as I hold very true to my own practices. If I experience the Beta role, I can be as prey hungry as possible, and will fight to defend my terrirtory. The repressed peimitive feelings once provoked will find the agitator left with their weaknesses. The Omega also acts as one from which love and tranquility is restored to the pack. With hostility, or indifferences, this wolf will ease the tension and show affection or longing for the others in the pack. When I make an offering, symbolically or physically, to those who have had an impact on my life, it is to show respect, light submissiveness, love, and nobility in the same ways reflected from the inter-dynamic connections of each wolf’s status.
I also want to identify of my general inability to cope with mere human beings. It is suffering in one aspect, and something deeply psychological that can not be altered. It is hard to cope in this portion of eternity,
when mankind creates his supremacy over animals, and postulates the importance of luxury and convenience. Evolution to me, is always in co-existence with nature, and as a mass, humans have lost this touch. They are few who hold sacred the ‘wildeor’, the self-willed integration of flesh and mind for nature itself. Being physically a human, but identify with some other species at any given time is part of me, and my reverence and longing for not forgotten animal traits and primal needs is extremely intimate. My connection to modern values, success and beliefs are almost devoid of meaning.